


There’s something not right

by Zoya113



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Backstory, M/M, TW: Knives, TW: self harming behaviours, They’re like cadets for the first half of this fic, flashback vibes, not me adding more unnecessary lore to the schaeffer backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: As only a Lance Corporal, John Mcnamara is aiming for another field rank at PEIP however the only other soldier competing with him for that title isn’t acting quite right
Relationships: General John McNamara/ Xander Lee
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	There’s something not right

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠️Big trigger warning/ content warning for behaviour that can be viewed as self harming as well as also implications of characters wanting to die ⚠️
> 
> Uuu I absolutely butchered my own timeline but also that’s a me problem, for the first half of this fic Mcnamara is a Lance corporal and Schaeffer and Xander are cadets

“That girl has problems,” McNamara’s teammate dropped his rucksack down on the floor of the locker room, slumping back against the wall with a sigh. 

“Schaeffer again?” He asked, pulling his hair back to keep it out of his eyes and tying it up behind him. 

“She took the score in practice today,” he reported.

Wasn’t that the point? He raised an eyebrow. “So?” 

“Well she went ballistic for it. That’s what. Just punched Hester square in the jaw for the dumb point. I’m not allowed to do that!” 

He unwrapped the bindings on his fists with his teeth. “Sometimes the private’s just want to make a point. She’ll want a promotion, or field work. Don’t be too hard on her.”

“Oh yes, thank you oh high Lance corporal Mcnamara,” he teased. “Well can you get someone to sort that out? I’m pretty scared I’m next in line for a black eye.” He finished changing out of his practice gear, tossing his rucksack into his locker. “Seriously,” he added as he walked out. 

He nodded, making a note to himself to report it to his mentor. Cross had been hinting at a possible promotion lately, and he had been looking for the chance to do a little extra. If he could handle it on his own it’d look good to the senior soldiers considering it.

“Hey, Mcnamara,” Lieutenant Cross caught him as he came into the hallway, and he waited for him to catch up. “You heard about the fight today?” 

He nodded, assuming there was only one that would be relevant to him. “Yes, sir. I was just going to inform you about it.”

“Well how about you go sort that out for me then, okay?” He patted him on the back. “Good job, son.”

“Thank you, lieutenant cross!” He beamed at the chance, saluting and hurrying off to the DFAC where he would probably find her at this hour.

Cadet Schaeffer wasn’t the brightest soldier unfortunately, but she was strong, a lot more powerful than a lot of the other cadets she was up against. She put her hand up for any task offered on the field and had been raking in experience. The only thing between her and a promotion was the way she exploded. 

He had been paying attention to her because he knew she’d be the next Private up for a promotion considering her work ethic and morals and her dedication to it all, but certain things could ruin her good streak so quickly. 

Like how she would take it personally if anyone so much as considered breaking the rules. He always told her he could handle it if someone wasn’t doing the right thing - he was a lance corporal after all- and maybe she would’ve let him if she didn’t lose her temper so quickly. 

Two weeks ago she was given a radio with a faulty button, and she was so stressed she tried to fight another cadet for theirs. On the bright side though at least it was only found out because she went ahead and marked down the exchange of equipment at the Q store under her own name. So that was one less rule broken. 

However today’s training exercise hadn’t been in combat, so there wasn’t really any excuse to assault another cadet. 

In the canteen she was without a scratch however, sitting at the end of the bench, tapping her foot to a rhythm. She was eating lunch without any recoil at the taste mcnamara tended to find too strong. Whatever wavelength she was on was leagues from anyone else.

“Hey, Schaeffer?” He rapped his knuckles on the table besides her to get her attention.

“Lance corporal?” She glanced up, setting her fork down. 

“Less assaulting your team members next training session, got it?” He mimicked a like he had heard Cross use in an attempt to seem more authoritative. “Why’d your do it?”

“He stood on the back of my shoe,” she answered honestly. “And I really hated that.”

He blinked, then gave an awkward laugh, assuming it was a joke. 

“Don’t do that,” Schaeffer’s expression hardened. 

“Oh.” He shut his mouth, straightening his back. “Well. Next time that happens you should probably uh, talk to the person in charge if it upsets you.” He tried to grin to convey he was well meaning because he wasn’t sure his tone had done the trick, but it was unsettling when she didn’t smile back. People were supposed to smile back. “Private?”

“Next training session, affirmative, lance corporal,” she nodded, saluting him.

He knew she was a good person, just with a strikingly short fuse and terrible impulse control. However the both of them had only been with PEIP for under a year, she was barely twenty three. Mcnamara had seen soldiers like her, and in a place like PEIP it was either wise up or enjoy the wonders of natural selection on the battle field. 

She was in the gym that night too, she was there quite often if she wasn’t following around the ginger girl from comms like a lost puppy. She was always on the punching bag to the point it was less about working out and more about releasing some of her energy. 

He gave an encouraging nod to her when their eyes met, trying to set a good example from where he was lifting his weights. She just ignored him. 

He was a little agitated by the off beat screeching of the iron chains though, but there was a Lieutenant using the treadmill so he was aiming to make a good impression just in case, and simply kept his head down. 

“Squaring up for round two?” Another private clapped a hand onto her shoulder as he entered the gym, and Schaeffer reacted by swinging her fist around to push him off her. 

“Get off me,” she told him sternly.

“Hey!” He grabbed her by the collar, shoving her into the punching bag. 

“Hey, cut that out! Get off him Schaeffer.” Mcnamara set his weight down to go separate the two of them, checking over his shoulder to see if the lieutenant was watching. “You don’t have to start a fight in here, Private!” He scolded, trying to seem a bit more powerful than he really was as just a Lance Corporal. He was essentially just the class captain. 

“Well when’s she gonna get some consequence for beating Mike up?” He shoved her again like he was purposely trying to provoke her in front of Mcnamara.

He watched her take in one deep breath, and he grabbed her shoulder so she wouldn’t launch herself at the Private but she swung a punch back at him instead, clocking him in the temple. He pushed her off him. “Private!” 

Her face flushed red, and she swung her fists down to her side, her thumbs fidgeting over her fingers. 

“See? Told you we need to keep her chained down,” the Private spat as Mcnamara rubbed his eye. 

“I don’t like being touched,” she grunted her defence, her shoulders hunched, trying to get her mouth around an apology she didn’t quite know the words to.

“Private,” he huffed, even now her eyes remained weirdly absent. “Get back to your dorm, fifty pushups. I’ll have to tell the CUO about this.” It was the only threat he could come up with, to try and keep some dignity in front of the other soldiers in the gym. 

She bit down on her lip with a nod, collecting her gear from the bench before marching out. 

“God. There’s something not right about her.”

“Yeah. Tell me about it.”   
———————————————————  
“I dunno if you have to do them if no one is watching,” one of the only other Privates in the female dorm, Ashley, leant down from her bunk to watch Schaeffer. “I won’t tell.” 

“I punched the lance corporal,” she reminded her. “And some other Private.” She didn’t know his name nor his face, but he deserved it. She had made it very clear she didn’t appreciate being touched. 

“He’s not even that above you. You don’t have to listen to him. Sounds like he was being an ass, the other guy started it. He should be the one doing the push ups.”

She nodded, feeling the red pump through her muscles. “He grabbed my shoulder, I don’t like it when they touch me,” she stated. “I was in the middle of—“ 

“Oh yep. Schaeff doesn’t like being touched. Weird you wanna join the military then, huh?” 

She didn’t answer. 

“What’re you on?” 

“I dunno. I wasn’t counting.”

“Then how do you know when to stop?” 

“I’ll just keep going until I have to,” she supposed. 

The private next to her leant down from where she the top bunk. “Have you considered maybe those guys shouldn’t have bugged you in the first place?” She suggested. “You’ve never had to punch me.”

Schaeffer shook her head, allowing herself to fall onto her stomach when her arms wouldn’t hold her up anymore. She let out a breath to catch some air before sitting back up. “I don’t know why I keep doing it I just-“ she knocked her own head, and Ash leant down to grab her wrist before she could again, quickly letting go to give her the space she needed. “Sometimes I just do it.”

“Yeah well,” Ash sat back down on Schaeffer’s bed, crossing one leg over the other. “You’re just a little different and that’s fine. You’re giving them good practice for the battlefield, maybe they should just appreciate it.”   
———————————————————

Mcnamara wanted to like Schaeffer, he really did. She had so much potential, and it was all being used so poorly.

It was hard not to get frustrated when they were the only two junior members to be selected on a senior task force mission.   
He thought it was obnoxious when she almost broke out into a fight with the Lieutenant on board, he for one was just trying not to fall out of the helicopter. 

Fortunately Cross hissed a warning to get her to sit still, and she quickly stopped. 

He kept his back straight in front of the other senior soldiers just like Cross, pretending he wasn’t absolutely losing it over how fast the helicopter was going, he was relieved it wasn’t showing through his expression. He could be a corporal himself very soon, that’s what he was doing on this mission in the first place. And albeit a little selfishly, he was rather proud of the fact he was probably beating cadet Schaeffer to it already, and their first helicopter trip hadn’t even come to an end.

The land the helicopter was hovering over was an open field, with a few scattered, decrepit shacks spread out and some rusted farm machinery. 

Mcnamara looked back up at Cross, who had his hand on the back of his utility vest lest he lean too far out of the helicopter.   
His mentor’s eyes were trained on his watch, uninterested in the passing scenery. 

When they landed he stuck close to his mentor as the others unpacked themselves from the helicopter, to his dismay though he signalled over the other private too.

Schaeffer came up to him silently, waiting for him to speak first.

“This isn’t for you two to get tangled up in, okay?” He warned them. “You both know what you were brought here for, some soldiers are just going to be keeping an eye on your strats and decisions, got it?” He laid it out rather plainly for them and Mcnamara let out a sigh under his breath. He knew that, but now that it had been spelled out to them he couldn’t quite pretend he was just always on his A-game naturally.

“What’re we doing?” Private Schaeffer inquired instead.

“That’s for the senior soldiers,” he tapped a finger to his mouth to gesture to its confidentiality. “Just stick to the outskirts and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll see something exciting. Don’t ask too many questions.”

“Affirmative, lieutenant,” he saluted, waiting for Cross to nod his head to dismiss them. 

He hurried off into the field, ducking down the first path he saw so he didn’t seem aimless to any soldier that would happen to be passing by. 

He stepped quietly, brushing aside the overgrown weeds and grass that itched at his skin and trying not to get frustrated with the flies that kept shooting past his ears. 

He kept a hand on his gun but left it in its holster, listening out and surveying the scene despite knowing he’d find nothing. 

“Lance corporal,” came a voice from behind him, and he held his groan in, chewing on his lip instead.

“Are you following me, Private?” He asked over his shoulder as he continued to creep down the trail, listening out. 

“I was going this way,” she murmured, finger on the trigger of her gun that was held by her side. “You must know where you’re going though, lance corporal.”

“I’m just patrolling the outskirts like Cross told us,” he informed her, keeping his voice at a low tone so he could listen. “We should split up,” he advised, because he wanted to handle things himself. He didn’t want to risk missing a noise to meanless chatter, he swore he had just heard something a moment ago.

She was silent for a second. “This is the right way,” she answered vaguely. “I saw him come down here.” She spoke over the quiet of the field. The only sounds were a few crows cawing and the distant commands being shouted at the other end of the field. 

“Saw who?” McNamara couldn’t risk arguing now. 

“Someone not in uniform.”

His eyes flicked around his surroundings in case he saw anything odd before focusing back on Schaeffer who was just staring at him. “We should tell Cross. We aren’t supposed to get tied up in this,” he warned, pulling out his firearm only as a safety measure. 

“D’you have a radio?” She asked. 

He shook his head. “No. You?” 

Instead of answering she just gestures ahead and he nodded. 

One person wasn’t too bad between the two of them. And if someone was supposed to be nearby to supervise them they could simply report to them. They just had to continue patrolling until they happened to bump into someone was all! 

That was how he was preparing his excuse anyway. If they caught someone PEIP was targeting successfully they could both be queued up for the next junior field promotion by tonight he thought with excitement. 

He took the lead around the border of the field, gun at the ready. His eyes trained and focused on the path, assuming Schaeffer was watching his back. 

A black shape swooped past his face and a crow dove down with a noisy caw as something shifted in the field besides him, he clapped one hand to his ear as it raced past, spinning around to aim at where the grass had just parted, someone shoved him and there was a scuffle of heavy boots on dirt before the picture stilled again, steadying his hands on his firearm.

There was a man much taller than the both of them on the path with them now, his arm around Schaeffer’s neck, tipping her head back to press the blade of a knife up against her throat.

“Let her down,” he ordered, keeping his voice calm despite how fast his heart had just started racing. She didn’t even get in a warning. 

“No. You’re out to kill me. That’s what you’re all here for,” the man hissed, the tip of his knife touching through her skin. He was disheveled and sweaty and breathing hard in between shaky words.

“Private, are you okay?” He tried to talk to her instead, racking his head through all of his training sessions and realising the man’s eyes were too wild to reason with. 

But she didn’t answer, her eyes were still glassy though, like she didn’t quite know what was going on. But then the corners of her lips began to turn up, and she sucked in a breath, trying to get a look at the blade. 

“You’re only a corporal,” the man seemed to catch his breath ever so slightly. “You’re with them?”

Mcnamara nodded, training his gun on the man as well as he could with Schaeffer in the way. “I have to ask you to let her go.” He was actually only a Lance corporal, but if he seemed strong enough he wouldn’t ruin the man’s ideas. 

He shook his head a little too frantically, the blade shaking in his hand. “How do I get out of here?” He snapped. “The place is-“ he spat. “It’s surrounded!” 

Mcnamara felt his tight chest ease slightly, adjusting his shoulders and allowing himself to lower his gun. “Surrounded?” Not as far as he knew. 

“You’re going to get me out of here, okay? Or she dies, and you will too.” He pointed his other hand at Mcnamara. “What-what are you, a corporal, right?” His voice was rich with nerves. “I was in the military once, you have to listen to me.” Mcnamara was more worried about him making a rash decision than he was about the man being an actual threat. 

He swallowed, tucking his gun back into his utility vest to ensure the man he was no threat. He rubbed his throat, trying to get a word in as peacefully as he could. “You have to let her go,” he tried to reason again. Mcnamara has only turned from a Private a couple of months ago, he didn’t know what sort of training was supposed to cover hostage situations - it was a military organisation for the otherworldly! Not a police department! 

His line of fire was obscured by his team worker, so he couldn’t take the man on himself, he could run him down the border of the field and hopefully he could run into a senior soldier if they circled back to the helicopter, someone who would interfere. They could-

“Don’t let him go, lance corporal,” Schaeffer spoke up, and he swore he almost heard a hint of laughter in her voice. “You can’t.” 

“He’ll kill you,” McNamara’s grip on his gun faltered. What was he supposed to do here? He shook his head, ignoring the Private. 

“So what, you’re just going to let him go? You’re the lance corporal, you have to make the right decision.” He hadn’t heard her speak in such a long sentence before. She seemed so alive, the absence in her eyes was no longer there, even some colour had come to her cheeks. Maybe she was actually awake for once. Thank god, he needed a hand here. 

“Don’t hurt her,” he tried to talk to the stranger again. He could get out of this, he’d cross paths with someone soon enough and they’d take the target out. “Just follow me. Okay?” He beckoned him forward, walking backwards to keep an eye on him.

“What?” But Schaeffer wouldn’t walk with them. “You can’t let him get away. He’s the target!” 

“And let you die? Jesus, Private, walk, and that’s an order. I don’t want you dying out here!”

“Ahah,” her tooth dug into her lip, and an odd sort of smile she was physically trying to hold back fought its way to her face. But she walked. 

Maybe she was the sort to laugh when she was anxious, but nothing about her read as nervous. One of her hands was even in her pocket. 

“Any struggle and you’ll fucking get it,” the target threatened baselessly, trying to keep them in line. “Walk, okay? Just walk!” He kept his hand around her throat with his blade. 

“I am walking,” she answered.

“God, are you taunting him Schaeffer?” McNamara’s jaw dropped. “Shut up, let me handle this okay?!” 

He didn’t know what the consequences would be for aiding the target in his escape, but he could hardly think about that right now. Surely they would value Schaeffer’s life, she was set for a promotion soon after all, she wasn’t just a nameless face among the rest of the cadets, people knew her name. Unfortunately they knew his name too, and he tried to ignore how that would play with his consequences, and worked on preparing an excuse he could sell to Cross instead.

“I’m prepared to die on the job,” Schaeffer announced, maybe to both of them. 

“Oh my god!” Mcnamara spat. “Do you have to do that now?” Why, of all times, did she want to be so chatty when he was trying to think!? “You aren’t some big, brave war machine, you’re just a private!” His voice cracked and he gripped at his own throat in a panic. “You’re like, twenty, Private, don’t play hero!”

“You’re the one playing hero!” She snapped back. “He told us not to get tangled up in this! Stop getting fancy ideas!” She pointed her free hand accusingly at him. 

“Shut up!” The man barked, jerking her back a step. “Someone’s gonna hear you, you little shit!” 

“Take the shot, McNamara,” she told him. “Go through the shoulder, take his heart.” 

“Shut it!” The tip of the knife breached her skin and she only winced as it dragged into the artery, a bead of red blossoming up under the tip of the blade. but he wasn’t holding her hand down now.

“Schaeffer, what the fuck are you doing!?” He didn’t have a clear shot but she would, and she wasn’t taking it! “Fire, clear!” He tried to order. 

But someone else took the shot. Right through the head. The man dropped a second later, the knife falling from his hand and landing at Schaeffer’s boots.

“What’s happening out here!?”

“Lieutenant Cross!” His mentor skidded down the ridge, speaking into his comm to shout orders at the casevac team. 

“We need a dustoff!” He shouted into his radio. “Jesus, are you two kids okay?” 

Schaeffer stared at the man’s body. Her eyes going blank again like she had been the one the life had just been drained out of. “You were going to let him go?” 

“He was going to kill you!” He protested, drawing a hand across his throat to tell her to shut up in front of his mentor.

“That wasn’t what I asked,” she snapped, and he could tell he was about to be victim to one of her rants now, he backed up a step to side with Cross.

“Let him go? What does she mean?”   
Cross fished a bandage from his utility vest, grabbing Schaeffer around the shoulder to press it to her neck as he continued speaking.

It made her squirm, she looked like she was about to elbow him when he told her he needed to apply pressure. 

“Schaeffer, shut up, I was trying to save your life!” he cut her off. Why did she have to snitch? 

She tried to shake her head. “I was prepared to die for this job!” 

“Come on, Mcnamara, give her a hand. Get back to the bird,” he huffed into his radio, hurrying off.

Mcnamara grabbed her by the wrist just to hurry her along, wanting to salvage the rest of his mission. “Are you okay?” His voice came out in a grumble whether he intended for it or not. 

“That man was going to kill both of us,” she commented, her other hand pressing to the good side of her neck in thought. “You didn’t shoot him.”

“Well I would’ve had to shoot you,” he told her what he assumed she already knew. “I was going to lead him back to-“

“Ah,” she let out a loud breath, pulling her wrist back from him. “Lance corporal, I was more worried about you.”

“Uh!” He was stopped in his tracks by her nonchalance, watching as she continued down the trail on her own. “You were the one with the knife to your neck!” He called out after her. She didn’t respond.

Jesus Christ. She was not going to make it to her promotion if either of them got one now.  
———————————————————

“What happened?” Xander asked the second Mcnamara met up with him in the barracks, “you look mad.” 

“I just saved Schaeffer’s life and she repaid me by throwing my promotion down the drain,” he huffed, cracking his knuckles despite the fact they did not need cracking. “Right in front of Cross.”

“Ah,” Xander exhaled loudly, unable to pick a clever response. “Well, from what I’ve heard probably not good to be on a mission with her, apparently.”

“You ever been on one with her?” He asked, wishing Xander had been assigned to the mission with him instead. 

He shook his head. “It’s just what people say.”

“Well I get why.” Usually he’d try to understand where someone else was coming from but he was so sure he had the promotion under his belt and now he had to go to bed tonight in the lance corporal dorms yet again where the guy in the bunk above him snored way too loudly and the bed beside him creaked too much in the night. 

“Well I’m sorry, John,” he frowned, shrugging. “That sucks.”

He gripped onto Xander’s shoulders for a moment to rest his forehead there. “He had a knife. And he said he was gonna kill us if we didn’t help him.” It almost came out in a whimper but his voice was steady for once. “I’ve never been told what to do in a situation like that, and Cross was-“ he paused, lifting his head back up. “If she starts a fight with me I’m gonna fight back,” he declared, actually, his heart hadn’t stopped racing since this afternoon. “Look,” he nudged Xander. “There she is.”

She was being dragged by the hand across the barracks towards the Medway by her friend who was practically scolding a brick wall. Schaeffer was not listening, there was a hand to the bandages around her neck but she was staring into the ground, chewing on her lip. 

Seeing her so unfazed pissed him off, and he grabbed Xander’s shoulders tighter.

“Come on, John,” he sighed. “She didn’t throw your promotion away I’m sure. You can just go talk to Cross and explain what happened,” he suggested hopefully.

Mcnamara shook his head. “No, he saw what happened, it was true,” he glared at Schaeffer from across the hall but she didn’t so much as look at him. “I did want to save her, if it meant she’d get out alive I would’ve let him get away,” he confessed, this being the first time he had said it out loud. “I didn’t want her to die, of course not. I just didn’t expect her to tell him everything.”

“Well-“

“Look, she doesn’t even care.” He wasn’t even facing Xander anymore, he had turned all the way around to watch her go. “I’m gonna go talk to her.” He stormed off and Xander followed closely behind him. 

“John, you don’t have to start a fight.”

“Yeah, knowing her she’ll do that on her own, apparently!” He growled, catching up to Schaeffer and her friend. “Hey!” He spoke up loudly to try and get her attention. 

“My neck’s bleeding,” was how Schaeffer chose to respond, not even looking him in the eye. “You should’ve taken the shot.”

“Schaeffer,” her friend rebuked. “Why would you wanna get shot? You should say thanks,” she advised.

“Yeah! I saved your life!” 

“You weren’t supposed to, that’s not what the orders were! We were supposed to stay out of it!” She bit back.

“John,” Xander warned again, taking his wrist. “She gets it.” 

“We could’ve both gotten promoted! I was going to walk him back to the helicopter and cross paths with a lieutenant and then we both would’ve been fine!” He snarled. “You could’ve been stabbed or shot! You wouldn’t have been this full of yourself then I bet!” He was breathing hard, hands balled up into fits, just wanting some sign of remorse or apology but instead she opened her mouth and laughed, her eyes bright. 

She pulled at her friend’s hand like she was amused, even standing on the tips of her toes. “Really, Lance Corporal?”

“Really what?” He asked her first, but she didn’t reply, and her friend seemed just as lost, if not a little concerned. He had actually never heard her laugh before. Mcnamara turned to Xander, a grimace still tight on his face. “Really what?” He tried again to see if he had missed something. 

“Come on, Schaeff,” her friend tugged at her arm to pull her away in a hurry. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you.”

“She laughed at me!” Mcnamara gaped, speechless. “She laughed!” When had she ever done that!? She was making fun of him!

“Well,” not even Xander seemed to have an explanation. 

“She didn’t even look me in the eye!” He added in disbelief. 

“That might’ve been the bandages on her neck,” he tried to suggest, cautiously taking McNamara’s hand to pull him away. “Look, She’s weird. I’m sorry you had to cross paths with her.”

“I’ve tried to be her friend so many times!” He tried to defend himself. “She’s the one making this tricky!” 

“Mhm,” Xander agreed, “let’s give her some space. You’ll be promoted by the end of the week I bet,” he tried to reassure him.

“No, I don’t care, I have to go handle this,” he took his hand back, turning on his heels to go follow after the cadet. She was only a private, she was supposed to listen to him! 

“What’re you gonna do?” Xander called out after him, and Mcnamara couldn’t answer, because he didn’t have a clue.   
———————————————————

He had told her to meet him out on the practice field after curfew. She said she didn’t want to break the rules but he was the lance corporal, so technically he made them for her. He would be the only one getting in trouble this time but that wasn’t remotely in line with his train of thought. 

It was late, and the storm clouds were moving in steadily. The rumble overhead almost overspoke her footsteps, but fortunately she never went anywhere without her boots. 

“Lance corporal McNamara?” 

“Are you crazy, Schaeffer?” It had been on his mind all day. 

She blinked. “No?” 

“Why do you want to die? Why are you always actively trying to get into a fight?” He started, physically unable to hold back the ramble that had been brewing in his mind all afternoon. “Why’d you have to tell Cross I was going to let him go!? The senior soldiers don’t care if you died, but I did!” He shouted. There wouldn’t be any attention drawn to them out here. “I didn’t want you to die!”

“Stop saying that,” she recoiled. “Maybe you should’ve let him kill me then,” she answered, plain and simple. “Stick to what Cross told you.”

“He nearly did, did that feel good, huh?” He gestured to the bandages on her neck angrily. 

She paled. “No, I- I was just doing my job,” she tried to say, short on words all of a sudden, unlike that afternoon. 

“Well you were doing shit at it then! So what if we let him slip away? You don’t have to die! But you could’ve at least kept your mouth shut, Cross is pissed with me!” He grunted, his hands were fists. “Everyone thinks you’re crazy, you know. They don’t think you’ve got a brain in your head! And maybe you don’t!”

She looked like she didn’t understand why she was being yelled at. “Why didn’t you just take the shot? I thought you wanted that rank up?”

“Do you actually want to die?” He stammered, because he had a sneaking suspicious. “Because I’ll finish the job if you keep talking bullshit like that,” he threatened. “Go ahead and ruin your own career but I’m trying, okay!” 

“Do it then.” Her voice seemed to silence the rumble of the sullen clouds. 

“Huh?” 

She breathed in, one hand rubbing over the bandage on her neck. “I said finish the job then!” And then the downpour started, like water crashing over the side of a waterfall it all came down at once, turning the field to mud and his vision hazy.

He shook his head, stepping back. Maybe she was weird, but he wasn’t about to commit murder over a disagreement. “I’m not going to-“

“I said finish the job then, coward!” She barked, storming across the field towards him and closing the distance all too quickly.

“Hey!” When she got too close he shoved her back, trying not to slip on the mud. 

“What!?” She snapped. “Are you afraid? Because I’m not!” 

Shit. She was actually going to kill him. He invited the wrong person out past dark. He ducked forward under her first swing, stumbling to the side to throw at her shoulder. She was stronger than him, but he was far more agile. 

She planted her boots into the mud to keep her balance and grabbed his fist as he was bringing it back, yanking him forward again into her range and getting her arm around his neck, he jammed his elbow back into her side, she went to grab his wrist and he swept out a leg to throw her off balance before she could, at least he was quicker on his feet. 

She hit the ground, mud splashing over her like a splatter of blood. She didn’t miss a beat though and hooked his leg with her arm, pulling him down and pinning him to the ground with her knee. She hadn’t thought to pin his hands though and his fist connected with the underside of her jaw, and he pushed her off his stomach while her eyes were shut, getting one knee on her chest so he could actually secure her hands before another punch could be thrown.

He was breathing hard, and he knew the fight wasn’t over if she could get her hands back. “What the hell is going on?” He managed to ask through raspy breaths, not even having any pride in winning the skirmish. Right now he was just scared. 

She was silent, catching her own breath. 

He could feel when she stopped struggling to tear her arms back and finally let her go, because he at least respected that she hated being touched. He kept his knee down on her shoulder though, and his hands ready. 

“Are you gonna do it?” She asked, her voice quiet now compared to the shouting she had just been doing. “Or are you a coward?” She repeated, her own hand landed on her neck, fingers splayed against the bandage.

He went to move her hand off her neck but her other hand grabbed his, adjusting it across the gauze. He could feel her pulse below his fingers, beating steadily.

She winced, teeth gritting slightly as he pressed on the artery. “We’re supposed to die on the job,” her voice was scratchy from the pressure on her trachea. “No one would ask questions.” She titled her head back to allow him more room.

He took his free hand off her neck, like he had just realised what he was doing. “What the fuck?”

“Are you gonna do it? It’d be easy, take the bandages off, just a scratch would do and it’d be over in seconds,” she told him like it was an alluring option, like she had had practice in advertising it. 

“Are you making fun of me?” He removed his knee, taking his hands back quickly. 

But he saw in the moonlight, as the brightness faded from her eyes when she realised he wouldn’t. His heart ached. That was exactly what he had seen with the knife. “Sorry, Private,” he found himself apologising. 

“Oh.” She watched his hands withdraw, and she rubbed her neck. “Sorry, Lance corporal.” She sat up, soaked in mud and rain and the blood from her nose. He wasn’t doing as bad fortunately, he hated getting dirt out of his hair. 

She stared out into the field for a moment, and he could see that glassiness return to her eyes. 

He flopped down beside her, letting the wet grass sap the heat from his skin as he caught his breath.

“I keep doing it,” she said to herself. “I don’t mean to but I-“ he didn’t know what she was talking about. 

“Keep doing what?”

“Lose my temper. I’ve always sucked at thinking five seconds ahead,” she gripped at her hair, elbows on her knees. 

“Are you okay, Schaeffer?” 

“Well I think my neck is still bleeding, but I’m fine,” she grabbed a bunch of her hair, trying to fix her ponytail. 

“No, I mean-“

“Hey shit, I thought I heard noise out here.” A light switched on up on the overhead beams, and McNamara lifted a hand to shield his eyes as a figure made its way down the oval. “Hey, it’s past curfew. What are you two doing out here? Stand up. Get inside!” 

He stood up, holding out a hand to help her up. She wiped her nose but it just smeared blood over her face. She took his hand though, unable to quite meet his eye.

“What’re you doing out? What happened, Private?” He couldn’t tell if the blood on her neck was from now or earlier. “Head to ablutions and then meet me at medical.” 

They gave him a blanket when he made it there, letting him sit by the heater to warm up from the storm and giving him an ice pack for his black eye. 

When Schaeffer came there was still mud in her hair, and even if she had changed into a clean uniform she was still wearing her boots. Alongside her came the ginger girl she was always with, and Xander too. 

“My boots got dirty,” she complained to the girl. 

“Yeah? I don’t think that’s your biggest problem right now, Schaeff.”

The doctor grabbed a towel and ran it under some water before dropping it on Schaeffer to try and get the mud out of her hair before it could dry, she just let out a complaining groan. 

“Hey, what happened out there?” Xander squatted down besides him at the heater. “Did you guys actually fight?” He shot a concerned look at Schaeffer who was trying not to struggle as the doctor washed out her hair and changed her bandages, then back at McNamara’s black eye.

McNamara caught her eye for just one second, and in between the bother of being fussed over and the stinging of the antiseptic she gave him an apologetic look, and he returned it. “We just fell over. That’s all.”  
———————————————————

General McNamara still thought Colonel Schaeffer was a little funny, but twenty five years does help someone mellow out. 

He was walking the opposite way in the halls when he saw a group of Corporals dart up along side her, shoving her out of the way. 

She blinked in surprise, taking in a breath of air like she always used to, but instead she just called out after them: “Don’t run in the halls, kid!” Like some sort of student monitor.

One of the boys raced up besides the other cadet with a jeering laugh and elbowed him hard in the side. “Hah, you got told off by the colonel! Watch your mouth if you don’t want to be on dawn forces for the next year!” 

“Maybe you should be the one watching your mouth, Russo,” she gave a tired smile that insisted she had just been spending too many hours on paperwork. “I’ll make you a man of your word.” 

Yes, she had changed, just a little bit. That was obvious. But he had too, because he hadn’t found it obnoxious for a split second, instead he had caught her attention by laughing from the end of the hall. 

“I’d scatter before you’re in trouble with the General too, boys,” she warned, shooing them on. 

“I’d assign them to dawn forces just for the hell of it,” he told her as he came up behind her, resting an arm on her shoulder. 

“Mcnamara,” she greeted as she readjusting her stance to support him. “Running in the halls should be a punishable offence,” she shrugged, her tone always too flat for Mcnamara to judge whether or not she was joking. 

“Yeah,” he scoffed playfully. “What is it with cadets thinking the world revolves around them?” He clicked his tongue, giving a shake of his head. “We were never like that.”

“Never like that,” Schaeffer agreed with a firm nod of of her head. “Yes. Star- star students,” she confirmed, brushing her friend off her shoulder. 

“Mmm.” Mcnamara hesitated as he walked along side her. “Except for that time you-“

“Shut up,” she elbowed him and he snickered. “God.” She rolled her eyes in mock bother. “You were a teacher’s pet,” she huffed at him.

“And now I’m the teacher, so that worked out great for me” he pointed out, not wanting to acknowledge that he had been rather obnoxious himself. “You’re still the courtyard bully so don’t get too ahead of yourself.”

“At least I never-“

“Stop. I’m your General you can’t slander me, Schaeffer,” he warned with an accusing finger. “Or I’ll put you on dawn forces for a whole year,” he retorted. 

“Don’t test me, Mcnamara,” she grabbed his wrist to push it back into his own space with an amused huff. “Well at least we never ran in the halls.”


End file.
